8 years ago yesterday my life was forever changed when our daughter died. My pain was incomprehensible, even to me. I was in so much pain that I cried in my sleep and while awake. I truly thought that God hated me, especially after walking through years of life-threatening sickness and pain, the premature birth of our son, the challenges he faced, and now this death. It was more than I could bear on my own. Honestly, I didn’t even know how to pray…I just cried. Then, over the course of time, He did something I will never forget…He drew near to me. He drew me to Himself and His Grace. This encounter took my orphaned, devastated and broken heart and transformed it with His love. I like to say that He jump-started my heart back to life again with His love.
Now, here I am 8 years into this new place and of course I still long for my daughter, I grieve for my daughter, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that my God loves me and that He loves her and so my grief is now with HOPE. I know that He found me in my hopeless places and gave me life again. I know that He has healed my body and my son and my daughter. I also know that the impossible has happened in me after so much pain, no, actually in the middle of my pain and there is no way I could ever do this on my own….I now rejoice.
If you find yourself believing or feeling like God hates you, I pray that you will be encouraged to open your heart to Jesus. Letting Him in, is the way to life again, especially after devastation. He is the way. He draws close to the brokenhearted. He is love. Love is not an attribute of God, it is God.